Tuesday, February 25, 2014

One More Day

Recently, Haydee, reminded me that we are coming close to the one year anniversary of my confession to her. She asked me if I wanted to do anything special to celebrate the progress and healing that have been found in the past year. My response to her was "No, I don't want to do anything special to celebrate that day." I wanted to take some time to explain some of my reasons for not wanting to celebrate.

First, confessing to my wife and then to our bishop was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I had to bring myself to total humility in order to make a full confession of all I had done and the damage I had caused. This was the day I finally turned to the Lord and said, "I don't want to fight this alone any more. I am too weak to do this on my own. I will do whatever you ask of me, but please help me." The love and strength I received from the Lord that day, and that continue today, are more than I could have ever hoped for. The experience is much too sacred to me to celebrate in any ordinary manner.

Second, I have come to more fully appreciate the power of today. I have come to understand that I can easily fall back into the trap of pornography by dwelling on my past mistakes. At the same time, dwelling on past successes can lull me into a false sense of security. The only way for me to stay in a state of recovery is to focus completely on today. I can look back to remember the darkness and remind myself why I don't want to go back there. I can also look forward with a hope in the future, but my focus and energies must be on today and the things I need to do right now.

Finally, the only way I have been able to make it to the point I am at now, is through the power of the Atonement of Christ. The only thing for me to celebrate is the glory of my Lord and Savior. I have done nothing to merit any honor. I will celebrate the mercy of my Lord for pulling me out of the abyss into which I had cast myself, but I can claim no privilege in the rescue.

So, with that, here's to one more day in the Lord. May it be a day that finds all of us engaged with the Lord in the work of salvation for ourselves and those around us.

4 comments:

  1. Amen.

    That's all I can think to say.

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  2. I agree. I don't have sober anniversaries for this reason, I don't want to dwell on it. Well put, Edmond! :)

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  3. Interesting how the thought of confession makes me have a physical reaction like I'm going to die. That feeling is the worst. Seriously, nothing as bad as that.

    I'm with you one day at a time. One day at a time.

    -Matt

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  4. I agree with you about not celebrating such a dark day, even if it was the beginning of the path to recovery. Still, I can see why Haydee would want to...I wonder if it's like the prodigal son parable. I always thought it was strange that the father would celebrate his son's return when he had acted so terribly.

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