Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Sister To Sister..

Recently I was asked by a friend to share with the sisters in her ward any tips for navagating the healing process when a loved one is addicted to pornography.  Just sharing the letter I wrote, From one sister to another...

Dear Friend,
Last year I learned that my spouse had been dealing with a sex addiction most of the 16 years we have been married.  This last year, as I have traversed the mountains of adversity, I have felt a sweeping range of emotions.  Pain and loneliness.  Hope and joy.  Comfort and sorrow almost in the same breath.  I wanted today to share a few things that have helped me on my journey.
1.  I can only fix me--  Nothing I do or say can fix my spouse/loved one.  He must choose to allow the Savior to heal him.  I had to let go of the illusion that I am the center of the universe and that I have power to solve his problems if only I.... (fill in the blank).  I can only work on me and my issues.

2.  I have just as many issues as my spouse.. just not addiction issues.  My path to healing and forgiveness was just as important as my spouses'.  I needed the healing balm of our Savior's love just as much as he did. I need to rely on the Savior to guide my path just as much as my addict still does.  Don't deny yourself the blessings the Lord has for you because you feel like your pain is less important than getting someone else well.  Your loved one being  free from sin won't be enough-- it won't heal your relationship--  if you haven't done work to make the atonement a real part of your life.
3.  Even if things aren't fine, I can be fine.  In the midst of turmoil and distress, my Savior's love can send peace to my heart.  His love for me, and you, is infinite.  As I tap into His love, I know that everything will work out, even when it seems like everything is falling to pieces.  I can live righteously, raise a family in the gospel, and feel the power of the priesthood in my life through my reliance on the Savior no matter what anyone else chooses to do.
I do not doubt God's love for me.  I can not doubt God's love for my spouse.  I feel His love and His peace as He teaches me what forgiveness looks like and how charity suffereth long.  I feel joy in the knowledge of Christ's perfect love.  His love has cast out all my fear, pain and sorrow.
May Christ's love lift and strengthen you and your loved ones too.

Your sister,
Haydee