Monday, August 19, 2013

Changing My Heart

I have had a hard time coming up with something to write for the past few weeks. Things have been going steady in my recovery, and I wasn't quite sure what the next step would be for me. For the last couple of weeks, I have had impressions from the Spirit guiding me to what the next step in my recovery should be, but I wasn't quite ready to take that step. Yesterday, I think the Lord realized that I wasn't quite getting it so He had to kind of beat me over the head with it (I am an incredibly stubborn person).

For the past few weeks, I have been feeling that I needed to start letting others into my heart. Due to things that happened as I was growing up, I closed off my heart to others. In fact, I built great barriers to my heart that only 5 people on this earth have been able to penetrate. Those people are my wife and children. I can honestly say that I have not even let my parents or siblings into my heart.

So anyway, I have been getting these impressions from time to time over the past few weeks, but I kept telling myself I was not ready to deal with the issues that caused me to close my heart in the first place. Yesterday, the Lord gently but firmly let me know that it is time.

During my scripture study in the morning, I found a cross-reference to this verse:
A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh. (Ezekiel 36:26)
It was clear to me that, through the Atonement,  Christ is prepared to give me a new heart. He is just waiting for me. This was another nudge telling me that it is time and I need to move forward.

Later, while I was sitting in Sacrament Meeting, there was a talk about charity. While I was listening, this talk by Elder C. Max Caldwell that I read several years ago came back to my mind. In the talk, Elder Caldwell talks about what is meant by the "love of Christ." He lists three ways this phrase may be looked at:

  1. Love for Christ
  2. Love from Christ
  3. Love like Christ
I am beginning to understand that I have felt love for Christ and love from Christ, but I have never felt love like Christ. It is now clear to me that the next step in my recovery is to develop this love for others that is lacking in my life.

I know this is going to be incredibly difficult for me, and I am a little scared (and by a little scared I mean I am completely terrified) of what this process will require from me, but I also know that, with the help of my Savior, I will be able to give up my stony heart and receive the heart of flesh that has been prepared for me.


  1. Loving someone is terrifying! I have felt the same thing about giving myself to others.
    The Lord is with you, Edmond! You will be able to do this and you will be amazed at the result.

  2. I have the same issues with my own siblings. My oldest sister I am opening up to more and strengthening that relationship, but i still have 4 more siblings to connect with.

    I love you Elder Caldwell's 3 phrases. Thank you for sharing! I have much to think about and I glad I stumbled upon your post today.