Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Beautiful like Strawberries

In another post I talked about the spiritual nature of beauty and how I learned to feel beautiful because my Savior and my Heavenly Father know I am beautiful.  Even after I understood and knew that I am beautiful, I questioned how Edmond could believe I am beautiful and still seek out porn.

Has that happened to you too?  Your lover says you are incredibly beautiful, but still finds pleasure looking at other women.  How can you regain your self confidence, feelings of beauty and (for me) the status of sex goddess, when you're not quite sure you can beilieve what your lover says. Understanding Edmond's brain helped me.

The Brain (the heart of the problem)-
I've already referred back to Edmond's post on the brain once, but understanding his brain helped me understand pornography's pull and why Edmond could believe I was beautiful and still seek out pornography.

photo credit: Double--M via photopin cc
Quick review:  the limbic system of the brain seeks pleasure and avoids pain.  The pre-frontal cortex (the moral center of the brain) says what is right and wrong and directs actions.  The pre-frontal cortex and the limbic system compete with each other for the desired results.  Pleasure seeking (limbic system) usually wins out.  The moral center of the brain may find an activity repugnant, disgusting and disgraceful, but if the limbic system derives pleasure from that activity, the limbic system will crave that thing.

Here's an easy to understand example.

I know cheesecake is unhealthy.  I recognize that I can eat cheesecake as a dessert occasionally, in moderation.  The health conscious me refuses to eat cheesecake daily, let alone for every meal.

The rational part of me knows strawberries are a sweet, delicious, and divine, especially with a touch of sugar. Strawberries are full of antioxidents and chock full of nutrition.  I can eat strawberries to my heart's content without feeling bad.

But put me in a stressful situation, with a cheesecake in the fridge and all rational thought goes out the window.  All I can think about is my need for cheesecake-- even if the strawberries are right next to the cheesecake.  I know as soon as I eat that first bite all my troubles will melt away in the pleasure of the sensations flooding my mouth.

Three (o.k. sometimes 6) pieces of cheesecake later, I feel sick, disgusting and gross.  I regret the decision to eat the cheesecake.  I wish I had been satisfied with the strawberries.

Does my eating the cheesecake decrease my love for strawberries.  Are strawberries less delicious because I chose to indulge in cheesecake.  NO.  In fact, strawberries are more desireable becasue I KNOW they are better for me.

Back to Beauty
I AM desirable and beautiful to Edmond's rational brain.  That is who he really is.  That is who he wants to  be.  That is who I want him to be.

Maybe the best help I can give him is to rejoice in being a strawberry and remembering that as a strawberry, I don't have to compete with cheesecake.  I am delicious and desirable on my own.

photo credit: Luz Adriana Villa A. via photopin cc


  1. I love this analogy! Thank you for posting this!

  2. Wow, this is a GREAT analogy!!!

  3. Sister Dantes,
    Thanks for sharing your journey. I appreciated your anaology and have been inspired by the blogs I've read regarding recovery. I started my recovery blog this past week. I'd like to share it with you and your husband. It's
    Thanks again for sharing your experience strength and hope with us who struggle.
    - John

  4. this is a great analogy.

    I wrote a similar one a while ago, but without the sweet analogy ;)...