To the Wives of Addicts from an Addict

In my study this morning, I read this "O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted!" (3 Nephi 22:11). My first thought when I read this is that it is a perfect description of someone who is dealing with the addiction of a loved one. As I continued to think on this, I began to understand more about how many ways we, as addicts, contribute to your affliction. I thought about how we add to the tempests in your life and how we are not there to comfort you when you need it. With that in mind, I would like to offer my apologies.

First, I am sorry for all of the lies. You willingly gave yourselves to us. You deserve for us to give you ourselves in return. Instead, you got a bunch of lies and half-truths. We lied to you from the beginning. In fact, we lied to you so many times, we began to believe some of those lies, but the reality is that none of them were true. We were lying to ourselves at the same time we were lying to you.

I am also sorry for the damage we have done to your self-worth. We should have been the ones building you up. We should have been your best support. Instead, by our words and actions you made you feel like you weren't good enough, pretty enough, sexy enough, or any number of ways we made you feel like your worth was less than it really is. The truth is you are daughters of God. Your worth is infinite and eternal, and we have no right to make you feel that you are less than you truly are.

I'm sorry for the separation we have caused. You are our wives. You are the ones we should be most involved with, but due to our choices, we have caused an emotional separation between us and you. We have been withdrawn from you when you needed to feel closeness. We have kept a part of ourselves back from you when we covenanted to give our whole selves to you.

I am sorry for not supporting you. You depend on us to help you and lift you, but our addiction has held us back. When you needed us most, we were not there for you either physically, because we were in the midst of acting out in our addiction, or emotionally, because we were dealing with the internal turmoil created by our actions.

I know this is not a complete list of the many ways we have harmed you, but please accept this sincere attempt from one addict to begin the process of repairing the damage we have done. You are truly angels in our lives. We do not deserve your love and goodness, and you do not deserve the torment we have put you through. This may not always be clear to us when we are in the depths of our addiction, but in our moments of clarity, we recognize how wonderful you are and how much we have come to rely on you for our strength.

I would like to leave you with the words of Isaiah that come just a few verses after where I started today. "In righteousness shalt thou be established" (3 Nephi 22:14). You are simply amazing. You will be exalted because of your righteousness, and I hope that we come to our senses and join you on that journey.

"Such As Is Common To Man" and Women

I have been studying the lives of the women in the bible as part of my scripture study.  I wanted to know who those women were, what they experienced and how they lived lives of faith.  I found a list on a Christian website of ALL 180+ women listed (mentioned) in the Bible- Old and New Testament.  I started with the A's: Abigail, Anna and 25 more women I had never heard of.  Some women were mentioned only in passing, yet their stories pierced my heart.

I adored the account of Abishag and her tender watchcare of the elderly King David (1Kings 1-2).  The scriptures say she "cherished" the king while Bathsheba came to see David to secure the kingdom for her son Solomon.

Abiah's life gives balm to every widow's heart (1 Chronicles 2:24).  Abiah gave birth to Hezron's son after his death.  Yet she carried on.

My heart mourned with Abihail, niece of king David,  one of Rehoboam's  18 wives and 60 concubines (2Chronicles 11:18-19).  Yet I found peace knowing that sexual addiction has haunted the human family for centuries.

As I have read and pondered the lives of these women in the Bible (I'm just in the B's), I have redescovered the great importance of Paul's words in his letter to the Corinthians, (my changes in italics)

There hath no trial or problem taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tried above that ye are able; but will with the problem also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. (1Corrinthians 10:13)

God truly is faithful and will provide tender watchcare over his daughters as they grow and live and love.