Trial of My Faith

And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith. (Ether 12:6)

 I have always misunderstood the concept of a trial of my faith. I always thought of a trial of my faith as some great event that I would need to struggle through and rely on the Lord, and eventually He would help me through it. For a long time, I thought my addiction was that trial of my faith. I didn't understand that it was an addiction. I believed I didn't have enough faith because the Lord did not help me overcome my temptations.

Now, I realize that the Lord does help me overcome my temptations, but not in the way I expected. I always expected that these things would no longer be a temptation for me. Instead, the Lord helps me to overcome them by not giving in. I still have the temptations, but I don't act on them.

In my previous post, I talked about being able to walk away from temptation. I am able to do this right now with help from the Lord. I prepare myself each day to receive His help by doing my morning routine of scripture study, meditation, and daily planning.

The question is, "What does this have to do with faith?". I have come to realize that the trial of my faith is not to wait for the Lord to take my temptations away from me. The trial of my faith is to consistently do the little things each day that allow me to call upon Him for strength when I need it.

This has been a huge paradigm shift for me to realize that a trial of my faith is not about making it through some huge experience. Rather, the trial of my faith is to get up 45 minutes earlier each day so I can do the things I have been asked to do in order to be able to walk on the road of recovery.

The witness I receive after the daily trial of my faith is to be able to make it through one more day in active recovery. This cycle of trying my faith each day and receiving a witness of its power each day has grown into an even greater witness to me. I can now see the hand of the Lord in my life each day. With that comes and even greater faith and desire to do the things He has asked of me because I now know that He will help me to be able to do them.

Watching My Thoughts

This is a concept that has always been elusive to me. I know that we are commanded to "watch our thoughts," but what does that really mean? I have never understood how to actually watch my thoughts. I would "watch" as unwholesome thoughts would enter my mind and completely take over. Watching my thoughts almost made me feel powerless over them. Like I was just a bystander who could only watch and do nothing to help.

In the last few months, I have learned that watching my thoughts is much more than that. To truly watch my thoughts, I need to actively pay attention to them and then decide which thoughts to focus attention and energy on. It sounds so easy! Unfortunately, as someone who has spent the majority of my life allowing the addicted part of my brain run the show, it has been quite difficult to do this.

In my previous post, I mentioned that the key to this for me is meditation. The type of meditation I have learned is very simple but powerful in learning to watch my thoughts.

The first step in this type of meditation is to choose a passage to meditate on. It could be a passage of scripture, a quote, or any other passage that is meaningful to you. The only qualifications are that it must be long enough to have deep meaning to you, and it must be short enough to be easily committed to memory. I like to use my future picture statement that I developed earlier.

Next, you need to find a comfortable place and time to meditate. You need to be in a place where you will not be easily interrupted, and where you will not get uncomfortable. I like to meditate early in the morning before anyone else is awake. I have chosen my kitchen where I sit in a chair with my hands resting gently in my lap.

Take a few deep cleansing breaths to help clear your mind. Now, slowly repeat the words of your passage. Make sure that each word gets its own emphasis, but that they are still close enough together to have meaning. While you are repeating the passage, pay attention to what is happening in your mind. It will likely get bored fairly quickly and begin to wander. When this happens, acknowledge the thoughts that come into your mind and then gently set them aside and direct your mind back to your passage.

This will take a lot of practice, especially if you are like me and have spent the majority of your life allowing your mind to wander whenever it desires. Begin by meditating for 5 minutes and then as you become more proficient at directing your thoughts slowly increase the time. I have found that 10 minutes of this type of meditation each morning helps me to focus my mind and be aware of what thoughts enter it. I then have the ability to choose which thoughts to give attention to and which ones to allow to fall by the wayside.

With this level of awareness, I no longer have to fight inappropriate thoughts when they enter my mind. I can acknowledge them and set them aside. I am now able to watch my thoughts and choose where to focus my attention.