It's been a while since I wrote anything. The past 2 months have been difficult for me. I've had several slips over that time. At times I've wondered if I would ever get to a point where I am so immersed in recovery that every temptation or trigger would be seen for exactly what it is.
I find it easy to get down on myself whenever I make a mistake. I have a tendency to look back to the mistakes I have made in the past and think that I can never overcome them. The truth is I can 't overcome them on my own, but I do have the ultimate support system. I have a Savior who loves me and is deeply concerned with my individual welfare.
This point was brought to me again this morning. As I was preparing to do my daily planning sheet, I thought about all of the sheets I have filled out over the last months and how I still slipped. I noticed that my daily planning sheet was empty; a blank page. The thought came clearly to my mind that my life was like that. Each day is a blank page. I get to choose today to be who I want to be. Who I am today is not determined by what I did yesterday. I know I've written about this concept before, but evidently I still need to learn this lesson.
I know I can make it through today. That is all that matters. Tomorrow my page will be blank again.
I'm glad you posted, even though it's been rough for you recently. I suspect you lifted yourself, but if nothing else, you made me feel better.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I was just thinking about the adulteress Jesus told to "go and sin no more." I wonder if she changed her ways immediately, or if it took her a while to obey Jesus' direct command. I wonder what Jesus' reaction would be if he saw her in the same situation the next week. The (satan-inspired) self-condemnatory part of me says that he would look at her and say "well, I tried to warn you. Now it's too late for you to change." I know that's not really what would happen, though. I know Jesus is sad at our struggles to change, but he's always willing to accept us when we come to him. There are no beverages we can spill on our page that will sink through to the next one.