My Power Trip

I read an article recently about the devastating effects of porn on the rising generation's view of sexuality and intimacy.  I was appalled at how the teens surveyed responded and how they viewed such a special moment.  I thought long and hard about the consequences our daughters will face in a time when most men have been exposed to degrading material.  How will they cope?  How will they protect the sacredness of sexuality?  How can we protect them, teach them and help them set a standard without scarring them for life?

Then the reality of my situation hit me square in the face.  I have been a victim of and a proponent of porn's propaganda:  women are objects to be lusted after, desired and conquered.

I have played the part, and even embraced the power that being objectified brought into my relationship with Edmond.  He wanted me.  I had power.  I played into his lusting because his lust feed my ego.  It was how I felt valued, wanted and special.  I knew I was loved, because Edmond loved lusted after my body.  I knew how to dress, act, behave, you name it, to get the reaction/action I wanted.  It worked; I worked it.

How unhealthy was that?  But I still find myself there.  Wanting to be wanted.  In a moment that should be just about love, I find myself wanting to be the piece of meat that gets the attention.  Craving that power that comes with controlling another person and being the object of their lust.  Edmond's addiction played into my weakness-- power + control = fun.

 How do I reclaim the joy of intimacy, when I miss the attention lust gave me?  It is time for my own addiction recovery process.

Step one....